Sunday 21st August 2011
So we were standing in front of the pre-packed meat fridges. And to be honest, we weren’t very impressed. None of it looked anything like the meat we’re used to. It was insipid & processed looking, rather than the browns, deep reds or burgundies that we see at our butcher’s. I wasn’t sure if perhaps all of it is veal, it’s so pale.
“What do you fancy?” I ask Zeph.
“This one looks good.” He says handing me a pack with 2 hamburger shaped objects inside. It looked like they had been sprayed with the cheesy dust they smoother nachos in. They were labelled Lams. I think not!
“No, they don’t look very nice.” I said.
“How about this?” He persisted.
But I was gone, mentally preparing another egg-based meal.
“Dad, what about this?”
It was 3 parcels of something wrapped in Palma ham.
“I’m not sure what they are Zeph.” I say turning over the packet trying to find something that would give me a clue as to what was inside the neat little parcels. A cute drawing of a cow or a pig would have sufficed.
“Ask the man.” Zeph said.
I located an assistant & approached him with my best ‘I’m a tourist’ smile.
“Hello. Do you speak English?” I asked.
Although everybody & his cousin speaks English incredibly well, I feel it’s only polite to warn them that I’m going to speak loudly & in an almost unintelligible staccato style.
“A little.” Came the international retort for such a question.
“What meat is this?” I asked.
He was telling the truth, he only spoke a little.
“Pig…” I prompted, ready to bring out the big guns and hit him with my extensive repertoire of animal noises.
“No.” He said trolling his memory for the names of English animals.
“Cow…” I continue.
Bingo! He winked, smiled & poked his finger at the package.
Great. Sounded good. A nice piece of beef filet wrapped in Palma ham. In the trolley it went.
With a splash of olive oil, I began pan frying the parcels. I like my steak rare so after 3 or 4 minutes on either side (It was quite thick.) I pulled them out & onto the chopping board.
It was only then, as I sliced into the parcel, that I realise that the cow that we had bought was actually…
sausage meat wrapped in bacon.
I think Holland is calling for me to be a vegetarian too. 😉